Saturday January 29. 11:39pm.

Back from “visiting”! Yaaaay! At 10pm we were, you guessed it, visiting. My mom made apple pie ’cause my brother’s in town and she’s a goddamned American. I had it with ice cream. There was cinnamon. ‘Nuff said.

Wednesday November 12

“Taking cranberry apple pie out of the oven to take to a thanksgiving theme lunch meeting tomorrow. Third pie to make this week, took pecan & cranberry Apple to Dine with Nine”

Wow I’m overwhelmed just typing that. By thanksgiving-themed lunch, I assume she just means Thanksgiving. Its the only assumption you can make based on the quality of baked goods. My idea of a thanksgiving-themed lunch meeting is, at best: sliced deli turkey; Kraft stove-top stuffing; and, hey, since we need someone to really chip in, I’ll bring my specialĀ cranberry sauce! Where is this “lunch meeting” and who the hell is going? I can guarantee you they ain’t bringing anything that comes close to this. Bet you twenty bucks some d-wad is bringing, like, a plate of brie and crackers, but they’re organic so they try to pass it off like they’re doing everyone a favor.

Wait…She took TWO DIFFERENT pies to Dine with NIne!? Fuck. Is this what it was like to work news on the watergate trial? I just can’t keep up. Only instead of it being just wave after wave of lies coming to light, its wave after wave of pies.