Friday November 28

“Keeping you company in the kitchen while you warm up delicious leftovers from Cuz-giving!”

How do YOU know they were delicious? Well..I was there and you’re damn right they were. I got to use our industrial size microwave that has been the only microwave I have ever known. That microwave would make my Papaw’s ‘old 88 Camry blush with the glow of a maiden by comparison. But my GOD does it heat up food. I’m assuming that due to its age and effectiveness that this product contains chemicals or other unknown substances known to the State of California to cause cancer and birth defects or other reproductive harm. Just guessing. I mean, look how I turned out.

Tuesday November 18

Mom’s big night off!

That’s right. I was there at 10pm. We were finishing our desert of homemade cranberry-apple crumble WITH orange zest. boom. Are you satisfied, you filthy animals?

Oh and don’t worry—we got some leftover lasagna. Some, I would say, is a conservative word. If we ate with my parents twice a week and took home the same amount of leftovers, we could start a food pantry for the excess food. I would never cook, and most people would think I was Italian for the sheer amount of marinara sauce dribbling down my chin constantly in place of drool. That’s amore.

Wednesday October 15

“Dividing up dinner leftovers to send home with you & your sister!”

Dinner leftovers is a pretty basic term for what in other countries might qualify as enough carbs, protein, and veggies to feed a small army. As previously mentioned, my mother’s food insecurity runs high for herself as well as for others. One of my mothers first solutions to any problem is “Are you getting enough food?” And the most disappointing thing is that she’s usually right on the money. I snarfed beef and broccoli stir fry hot out the microwave ASAP the next day.