“Putting away Halloween decorations while sipping locally made Apple cider!”
The countdown has come. A mere 24 days from now…it begins. Christmas decorations. I will say no more. But I will say this…
If you think for one second my mom is going to put out even a fucking HINT of Christmas decorations before Thanksgiving, you are wrong. So wrong. Not even a sliver of tinsel. If you think she’s going to crack, then listen closely: I need you exit this blog immediately. Watch all 4 seasons of the MTV original series Snooki & Jwoww (that’s right, Snooki—still a thing). Then, I need you to go under any overpass in america. Drink whatever you can find there. I’m not finished. I then need you to walk into a Costco and stare drunkenly at the fake Christmas tree collection they put up in, like, October. After that, I think you will have sufficiently had a tour of the underbelly of America. Then you can come back to this blog so you can really appreciate what you have here. My mother BLEEDS red and green, and LIVES AND DIES by the gold standard of “No Christmas before Thanksgiving” and I will not have you tarnishing her reputation with your thoughts. This is serious shit, people.
Also Yay! Locally made cider!