Monday December 23. 10:40pm

“Finishing up Candle light tour of the Biltmore!”

Wondering what this is? I’ll tell you: its a satanic ritual killing/tour of the Biltmore House, North America’s largest privately owned home! It’s privately owned by, you guessed it, rich people. No joke, outdoor scenes from the 1991 Oscar Winning movie Richie Rich were filmed there. Richie Rich was so stupidly rich that they couldn’t even come up with two names for the goddamn kid.

Well, mom, I hope you enjoyed eating at your very own mcdonald’s by candlelight.

P.S. Don’t worry kids, you’ve been good, so Santa is still bringing you a blog-stravaganza this year. Here’s a shot from the demo reel.

Yes, that is a wicker basket snowman tray holding holiday-colored hershey kisses. I’m not sure they knew what they were going for… Is this frosty? Some other snowman? What’s up with the red nose? Maybe its a new snowman/rudolph hybrid. Also, if its frosty, that dude doesn’t wear earmuffs because he’s MADE OF SNOW. Get your snow folklore shit together, people. Clearly, someone was just trying to hit all the holiday bases. I call shenanigans.

Sarcasm Claus is coming to town! Get ready.