Saturday October 25

“Listening to Roberta tell a story about a serious car accident from 1967 that she was in.”

uh-oh. Berta’s bringin the party down a notch. I forgot to mention to you that Roberta is horribly disfigured.

…just kidding! Don’t worry, she’s alright, kids, she makes it out in the end. I’m picturing my mom sitting in the living room with Roberta nodding and then looking down at her iphone to text me this message secretly. Although I’m sure she’s stepped into the other room under the guise of another decaf coffee refill.

Friday October 24

“Eating ice cream & pumpkin cake while visiting with my 89 year old 1st cousin once removed Roberta.”

Berta’s in town. Rest assured, my mom made that mother-effing pumpkin cake. 

Another important fact about my mother: there are always AT LEAST two different flavors of ice cream in the freezer. One is always a 1/2 gallon of Blue Bell vanilla. The second flavor is a combo like rocky road, or berrylicious frozen yogurt or Edys fun flavors double fudge brownie. I know I’ve mentioned this before, but I just want you to know, they are always there. Right now. As you are reading this. Come back in 20 days. They are waiting in darkness, gathering strength.

Thursday October 23

“Cleaning the guest bathroom for Roberta’s visit!”

Ya’ll, get ready… Berta’s coming. Roberta is basically my grandmother, but she’s actually my grandmother’s cousin. She has great handwriting, she mails cards all the frickin time, and she LOVES margaritas. On the beach? Sure. Mexican Restaurant? Of course. Christmas? You bet. She lives in TN with her family, but when she comes east, she stays for at least a week. I’m having dinner with her and the fam on monday, so expect a full report. Berta is kind of like if you take the fun of an aunt and the fun of a grandma and wrap it into an 89 year old, 4 foot 9 inch package. Berta.

Nobody calls her Berta but us, so its Roberta to you.

Roberta has also done a ton of genealogy research, so she knows her stuff. Her lengthy (oh.so.lengthy.) stories include names from people I’ve never even heard of but she talks about them like we’re besties. And she takes a bath EVERY night before she goes to bed, so that’s why mom’s using some elbow grease in the guest bathroom. Good luck, ma. There’s a storm a’comin’.