“There is no spoon”

Wednesday December 31. 10:05pm

“Sitting in the dining room eating beignets with Emily Satterfield & Chris. We lite the twirly things to watch them because Chris’ grandmother also has them!”

Let’s talk beignets. Beignets, for those of you who don’t know, are delicious puffy, doughy, french-ish doughnuts COVERED in powdered sugar.

“Wait, you mean like Funnel Cake!?” First of all, fuck you. Second of all, a little bit. Think funnel cake but light as an angel’s feathers. There are people who make beignets more greasy like funnel cakes (I’m looking at you, Cafe DuMonde). My dad has not only mastered them, he has bent them to his will.


Just like this. Now THAT’S a beignet!

Also, he pretty much never just makes them for the family. If he did, we would already have diabetes. We usually have to con others into injecting pure insulin into their mouths. Looks like Em Sat and Chris got in on this batch. I swear to you it’s just piles of sugar on top. DON’T breathe in or you will cough like a Tuberculosis patient for hours. Only instead of coughing up blood, it will be that white pasty horrible thing that happens to powdered sugar when it gets wet. It’s like sugar snot, but better, because it carries the shame of not knowing how to eat powdered treats. Ask any cop, they know.

Sidenote: cops are cool by me, I’m just going off of facts. I had a criminal justice teacher in high school who was an ex New York Cop who added this question as extra credit to EVERY test.

“Which kind of doughnut do you never get as an officer?”

a) Jelly filled

b) Glazed

c) Powdered Sugar

d) Doughnut holes

The answer was, of course, “c”. He would insist in his thick accent “It’s too unpra-fessional. You get powdad suga oalll ovaa your uni-foarm”. Thank you, Mr. Cross, wherever you are. You have taught me so much.

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