“Cleaning up from hosting neighborhood party & putting away leftover crockpot spiced cranberry Apple cider!”

You KNOW she made that shit. No surprise here. Alcohol content: none or negligible…double no surprise. Let us recall that these are the people who put a capful of Bacardi 151 in their Eggnog. A CAPFUL! That’s like people during my waitstaff days ordering a  half Diet Coke/Half regular coke. Live a little, people. Commit to your shit.

They only bought the Bacardi 151 because my brother, who was a college junior at the time, persuaded them to get it because it was the only rum he drank. Also, no surprises. He had probably never had regular-ass, good tasting rum. The seemingly miniscule pint of 151 lasted 4 years and it only got finished because he and I drank it intermittently with our cokes. We tried to kill it one night, but let’s be honest, NOBODY mixes 151 with coke for a reason. As we all know—or have learned accidentally—its shots or nothing for 151. And if you’re doing shots, be prepared to a) explain to your mom why all the frozen pizzas got melted into a ball at the bottom of the oven and b) have your throat feel like you’ve been yelling all night.

No surprises across the board. That party must have gotten crazy though. They left the apple cider? Must have been hitting that last thimble of 151 pretty hard.