“Stringing popcorn & cranberries for the tree while catching up with your Dad after coming home from women’s dinnner at Carrabba’s”

My parents string up popcorn and cranberries on the tree every year. EVERYstab-your-thumb-a-zillion-timesYEAR. When its popcorn and cranberry time, its like being in Santa’s workshop. Not like Santa’s workshop in the movies. Like the REAL santa’s workshop in industrial China. Oh sure, there’s a holiday movie on to perk the spirit, but then the popcorn and cranberries come out. Before long your fingers are covered in cranberry juice and/or your own blood. You can’t tell which, and you don’t care because Charlie Brown is picking out the wrong tree AGAIN! Seriously, who picks that tree? There had to be at least one other live one on the lot. Even I would smack Charlie brown if he came back with that tree. It’s shorter than YOU, Charlie Brown, and you’re a CHILD.

The popcorn and cranberries are a serious undertaking to cover an 8 foot tree. My parents insist that their ceiling is 8 feet tall so they’ve gotta overshoot it and go for a 10 foot tree. “We can always make a wreath with the extra trimmings!” You could make another christmas tree with the extra trimmings. One that is far better than that piece of shit Charlie Brown went for. I’m just saying, Charles Shulz, I don’t think he was that big of a dumb ass.