“Reading through Papaw’s files; found World War II letters, his Forestry class record books from 1950, travel memoirs, civil rights & church work leadership & a lot of other miscellaneous things!”

Nice use of the semicolon in a text, mom. 90% of American’s don’t even know what one is. I do remember from high school AP English that people talk about using semicolons to “spice up your writing”. Really? Really? A semicolon will “spice up” your writing? If you’re the kind of person who thinks semicolons are spicy, then you’re the kind of person who gets floored by 20% off coupons at Bed Bath and Beyond. EVERYONE gets them. They will even take them after they are expired. Get some adrenalin in your life, for chrissakes, before you watch your next season of Grey’s Anatomy.

On to more important things. History! My Papaw is 94. Yep. That’s right, Ninety sweater-loving Four. And yes, we call him “Papaw”. Suck it. Is he a country-bumpkin distilling moonshine in the backwoods of Louisiana? Nope. A farm-folk? Nooooope. He’s a former professor of forestry at Louisiana State University. And don’t get too psyched about all the records my mom found like they’re ALL so rare. He keeps records of EVERYTHING. Not that they aren’t cool. They are totally cool; buuut to give you an idea of the scope of these so-called “records”, this dude can check a notebook and tell you where he played tennis on the morning of Saturday August 1, 1964. Also, what the score was and who won. Spoiler alert: it was probably him.

If this dude sounds busy, you should have seen his wife. My mom IS my “Mamaw” in 99 of 100 ways. What’s the last way? Mamaw was handy with a wrench, and my mother decided to eschew that particular discipline in favor of child psychology. Fair trade.