“Shopping at Lowe’s to buy bone meal fertilizer to use in planting daffodil bulbs tomorrow!”

When the butt does Lowe’s close?…midnight? Seriously Lowe’s? Seriously? I blame you. You’re the enabler here.

My mom is so proactive she’s decorating for spring in October. Did you know you have to replant daffodil bulbs EVERY YEAR? You plant bits of horses and cows along with them just so a late snow can wipe them out. The wet snow clings to their little bodies while they lean over like drunks on their stools losing at video poker.