“At Owen High School football game with JoNan, Robert, Angela & Wayne watching Sam who is quarterback. They won! It is Sam’s senior year, we have known Sam since he was 2!”

The percentage of texts I get from my mom that end with an exclamation point is 100. Correction: it is more like an Asymptote, the curved exponential line that approaches value x to infinity, where in this equation x equals my mom’s 100% excitement and positivity. 

Also, congratulations, Sam! Not for your win, though I’m sure it was well deserved, but for getting my mom out of the grocery store on a FRIDAY NIGHT! I have no idea when the last time my mom was at a football game. It sure as hell was never when I PLAYED FOOTBALL MOM. We used to go as little kids and I could tell even then that the rowdy crowd frightened her to her core. By “rowdy crowd” I mean loud/enthusiastic teenagers and parents who yell because they want a team to win. Sometimes my mom gets rattled by motivational speakers who speak too emphatically.