I realized a long time ago my mom never stopped. Every week I called my parents and talked to them for exactly one hour. I would talk to her and my dad on the phone (they both picked up a landline receiver) and she would start to do dishes. I begged her to stop because a) she was supposed to be talking to her child and b) I could hear her quietly clanking dishes together as she tried to avoid getting caught. She eventually stopped and I never heard another sound.

I discovered years later that she had switched to dusting—the entire house. Every week. For 2 years.

Then, because I am a successful comic, theatre maker, and writer, my wife and I moved in with my parents. I realized that this wasn’t just dusting. This was much bigger. I have lived with her for one year now, and I cannot BELIEVE the shit she gets into. Now, I’m moving out, but I don’t want to miss out. So every night I ask her the same thing.

It’s 10pm…Mom, what are you doing?